Paynessmas

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Kyle

This event repeats every year forever

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I'm inventing an alternative winter holiday because all the other ones are over-commercialized. Please help me flesh out the rest of the details for this holiday.


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A little bit of history, Paynessmas originated in the Federated States of Micronesia, an independent sovereign island nation and a United States associated state, after Micronesian Emperor Bungo Cocklick's station wagon was set ablaze by enraged animal rights activists. This happened just a few days before Christmas, and though his only method of transportation around the Federated States was now in flames, the Emperor's station wagon miraculously didn't burn up. It continued to burn throughout the day and into the night. It was truly a Paynessmas miracle.

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I'm pretty sure you meant to write 11 sept 2001

Anyway, I'll obviously be there too! What's a winter without Paynessmas?

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Children, it always important to be thankful each Paynessmas for the miracles provided by our great and powerful Hula God (Sukmi'off in the original Micronesian dialect). Evil forces are always coming against our blessed Federated States to try to ruin Paynessmass, but Sukmi'off never forsakes us. Back in 2001, the nefarious Mr. Alfred Qaeda was plotting to drive his suicide station wagon into the Federated Parliament on Paynessmas Day of that year. It was surely going to be a catastrophic event, but luckily, due to a major typographical error on Mr. Qaeda's plane ticket, Mr. Qaeda accidentally booked his fight two days before another completely unrelated terrorist attack. However, this had no effect on Mr. Qaeda's suicide mission, until Emperor Cocklick noticed that something was amiss in the country's tourism itinerary. Someone had mysteriously booked a trip to the Federated States 14 YEARS IN ADVANCE. This incredible sense of precognition and organizational fortitude on Mr. Qaeda's part struck the Emperor as odd, but only for the sole reason that nobody ever really booked a trip to the Federated States of Micronesia...well, ever. Al Qaeda's plans were sabotaged, and Paynessmass was saved! Today, the country continues to celebrate, and all the Hula Girls ceremoniously honor the Emperor's victory by getting him lei'd.

Here is a picture of the Emperor getting laid last year.

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